I’d be lying if I said that prior to becoming a mom, my life was absolutely perfect.
It wasn’t, but back then I thought that I would come to embrace motherhood and love every single second of it.
My daughter will turn 3 next month and over the last few years, I’ve come to realize that being a mom isn’t as great as I thought it would be.
Sure, it has its great moments.
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There’s nothing that I enjoy more than when my daughter insists on snuggling up with me to fall asleep and I can’t say I’ve ever been more proud of another human being than when Bee does something new and awesome.
Watching my little girl learn about the world around her can sometimes leave me awe-struck.
She says the funniest things and, maybe it’s just me, but there are times when I truly believe there isn’t a single person in my life who is more entertaining than her.
There are days, though, when I miss life before Bee.
If I’m being completely honest, as my daughter ages, those days become less frequent.
Sometimes I ask myself why that is?
Do I miss pre-mom life less often now than I did a year or two ago because I’m slowly gaining back pieces of my old life as my daughter gets older?
Is it because life with a nearly 3-year-old is easier than life with a newborn? Are small parts of the old me returning every now and then?
Or is it because I’ve simply started to forget life before Bee? Are my memories fading with each day that passes?
Then again, it’s also possible that I’m slowly coming to accept that who I once was is long gone. That wishing I could have some of my past back is pointless.
Heck, maybe it’s all of the above. All I know for sure is that a couple of years ago I longed to get some of these 9 things I miss about my pre-mom life back a lot more than I do now.
It might sound horrible to some moms, but I’m going to be completely honest here. There was a time when I truly believed that had someone told me the direction my life would take in the first couple of years after becoming a mom, I would never have wanted to be one.
That isn’t something I think about much anymore because I mean, what’s the point? But even now, nearly three years after my daughter’s birth, I wonder if there’s a part of me that still believes that.
Are you in the same boat as me? Do you miss who you once were? Is there any part of you that wishes you hadn’t become a parent?
If not, then I applaud you. Maybe your life took a turn for the better after having your first child. Or maybe motherhood really is your “thing”.
But if you’re like me, that’s okay, too. I really did believe that once I ended the childless chapter of my life and began my life as a mom, I wouldn’t look back. I was genuinely surprised when things didn’t work out that way, though.
There’s nothing wrong with missing the life you once had. So many things change when you take on the responsibility of raising a child!
I’m not sure what it is you miss about your pre-mom life, but here are a few things I sometimes long to get back:
This isn’t going to apply to everyone, but I’m a stay-at-home mom, so it applies to me!
I never ever would have guessed I’d miss having a job. I didn’t stop working until a couple days prior to my daughter’s birth when I was put on bedrest.
People pushed me to stop working long before that, as I didn’t really have an easy or laidback job, but the money I made there was more important to me than my comfort level.
When I finally had no choice but to leave work, I remember being so relieved! I’d been looking forward to this since the day I found out I was pregnant!
I could lay around all day, watch whatever I wanted on TV. I didn’t have to wake up at 4 am every day or spend time with people that I absolutely loathed.
Here we are now, almost 3 years later, and I’ve missed working for a while now.
I’m not the most social person, so “being around other adults” isn’t the main draw to being employed. I mean, sure, being around other adults wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world, but I’m fine with the occasional socializing I currently do with family and strangers at the store.
What I really miss the most is contributing financially to my family.
I honestly believe in traditional gender roles, but after having had a real, paying job for the first 8 years of my adult life, sometimes I get annoyed and frustrated with the fact that I don’t go to work every day and make money.
Sure, I make some money from this blog, but it isn’t as much as I did when I worked full-time. I hope that one day that will change, but currently, my income is sporadic due to me sporadically going through phases of putting a ton of effort into my blog and then completely ignoring it for weeks or even months.
That being said, Hubby is the only one bringing in money consistently and his paychecks vary based on how much work his employer has for him.
Believe me, sometimes it’s tough.
Granted, he makes enough money to pay our bills, but most of the year he doesn’t make quite enough to purchase or do something really fun.
When he does bring in a really good paycheck, I struggle to decide what we should do with the extra money. Do we act like responsible adults and put it towards debt? Should it go into the saving account? Or maybe I should let Hubby splurge on something he’s been dying to buy all year?
This never happened when I was employed. Budgeting wasn’t a thing until I found out I was pregnant with Bee. I’d just pay our bills every payday and we’d do whatever we wanted with our money until the next payday.
I miss being able to do whatever I want, whenever I want.
Prior to the birth of our daughter, we did anything we felt like doing as long as it didn’t affect work.
If we wanted to pack the truck up early on a Saturday morning and head to the mountains to go explore a new area, we could. If we wanted to stay up all night catfishing on the Snake River, we could. We could go out to the bar with a friend if we wanted to.
Now everything has to be planned out.
We haven’t explored any new places in years.
The bars just aren’t as much fun when you have to find a babysitter, pay them, constantly worry that they’re gonna kill your kid while you’re gone, and then get up with said kid just a few hours after getting home.
And don’t even get me started on how many times we’ve been fishing since Bee was born. Fishing, in general, is harder with a young child in tow.
All too often I miss having the freedom I did before I had my daughter.
I really miss being able to be selfish!
It seems like it doesn’t matter what it is I want to do, I have to put my kid first.
If I need new clothes, I can’t help but realize that Bee does, too. So she gets new clothes and I wait 3 more months until I have absolutely no choice but to buy a new pair of pants or shoes.
I can’t just go out and have fun. Like I said earlier, there’s really no such thing as spontaneity anymore. I either have to plan ahead with a babysitter or bring my daughter with me and spend a big chunk of time game planning how I’m going to make it work and what I need to take with me.
And, honestly, I rarely ever use a babysitter. Most of the time we only do things that Bee can do, too. Sometimes that really drives me nuts! There are so many things Hubby and I used to do just because we wanted to do it, and now we can’t.
Ohhhh what I wouldn’t give to return to the days of having a clean house.
Pre-mom, I did a good cleaning on the entire house once a week and then just cleaned things up here and there on weekdays.
My mom life now includes cleaning things up constantly, all day and giving a room a good cleaning when I can. There’s no set schedule and nothing ever really feels clean to me anymore!
But how can my home feel clean when I randomly find dirty handprints on tables and crumbs everywhere? It’s been years since I was able to go an entire day without cleaning up a spill.
And the dog gets in on it, too! Goliath and Bee work as a team now. I can’t feed her food she doesn’t care for with the dog around because the second I leave the room, the dog rushes up to the kid and she gives him the yucky food I wanted her to eat.
Ohhh the drool. That’s probably the worst. My dog is getting older and, although he’s always drooled a bit when he’s anticipating food, it’s gotten worse recently.
I literally found a puddle of drool on my couch yesterday. I’m guessing Bee took some kind of food, sat on the couch, and teased the dog a bit prior to giving him whatever it was she’d decided she didn’t need to eat.
I’ve always loved having a clean house, so this is a big one for me.
This part has nothing to do with the usual “I miss my tighter, stretch mark free bod“.
I actually didn’t gain a single stretch mark during my entire pregnancy with Bee. I also weighed less the day I brought her home than when I found out I was pregnant (and I wasn’t a big girl, either). Pregnancy was kind to me.
This has more to do with personal space.
Prior to becoming a mom, the only person who ever touched my body was my husband. And that wasn’t like a constant, all day sort of thing. It was cuddling up on the couch in the evenings and watching TV. Holding hands when we were driving somewhere or walking through a store together.
I can confidently say that I lost all rights to my body when I became a parent.
In the beginning, it was breastfeeding and the fact that my daughter absolutely refused to sleep anywhere but on my chest.
Today it’s more like I’m a jungle gym every time I sit down. Then there are a lot of random hugs through the day. And Bee hasn’t really outgrown the sleeping on me thing. She’ll sleep in her own bed at night, but if I want her to take a real nap, I usually have to lay down with her and she has to be touching me to fall asleep.
I said earlier that I’m not an overly social person. I want you to know now that I’m also not a big touchy-feely person. Prior to Bee’s birth, the only person I ever touched was my husband. I wouldn’t even hug my family members.
These days, I don’t even want my husband touching me. It’s like once Bee goes to bed, I just want to be left alone. I want to recharge. And for me, recharging involves having my own space and being left alone.
Don’t get me wrong, Bee can be fun. She does some of the most hilarious things and has some of the funniest ideas. But none of the fun things we do together are in any way similar to the fun Hubby and I used to have before we became parents.
We moved to Idaho right before we got married. Everything there was new and exciting to us.
By the time I found out I was pregnant, we’d been there for about 2 years. We had spent the better part of those 2 years exploring all that our new home had to offer.
From restaurants, stores and clubs to rivers, ghost towns, and forests. We saw and did as much as we possibly could without a care in the world.
Now our daily fun usually consists of playing catch with Bee in the backyard after dinner or taking a trip to a nearby pond to go fishing. It’s best to note that playing catch with Bee is a roller coaster ride and when we go fishing, one of us doesn’t get to fish much at all. Her emotions are up and down, the tiniest thing will set her off and make her want to give up on either activity.
It’s just not really the carefree life we used to have.
“What are you doing?”
“Don’t do that!”
“What did I just say?!”
“Good job, Bee!”
“I’m so proud of you!”
I say those six phrases and probably about fifteen others all damn day. I think the only phrase I ever repeated more than once a day prior to becoming a mom was “I love you” to Hubby.
By the end of the day, I’ve just about had it with repeating myself. It might seem strange or insignificant, but I honestly miss being able to go through my day without having to repeat the same 10-20 phrases a million times.
My marriage has changed a lot since Bee came into this world.
I know that having a kid changes a relationship, but I also know that a lot of the changes aren’t due to having to co-parent. Hubby and I are really good at that.
The changes are due to events that have occurred since she was born. Things that wouldn’t otherwise have happened.
Had Bee never been born, we wouldn’t have bought the house we did when she was 5 months old. It was too far from where Hubby and I worked, we wouldn’t have been able to check on our dogs on our lunch break.
If we never bought that house, we wouldn’t have had to deal with any of the problems that occurred there and helped put us into debt.
Had Bee never been born, I would have continued working, which means even if we’d bought another house and it, too, had its own set of problems, money wouldn’t have been as big of an issue.
In a world without Bee, we wouldn’t have had to move back to our hometown. Hubby wouldn’t have had to take a job working for the company my dad owns. Like I said before, money wouldn’t have been a big deal like it was.
Granted, Hubby hated his old job the moment he realized he’d climbed to the top of the ladder and he also likes his current job a lot more, but none of that ever would have happened.
All of these things and more have caused a ripple in our relationship. Add to it that we rarely have time alone and that I honestly hate being touched at the end of the day and, well, I’m sure it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that our marriage isn’t the same as it used to be.
Are you loving your life as a mom? Have you always loved it? Do you ever miss pre-mom you? What do you miss about her?